Monday, November 13, 2006

A Prayer to My Sister

(This is my most recent painting. Mermaid's Embrace, 2006)

The journey seems to continue through this mirad maze called adoption reunion. There is nothing I am more grateful for than the finding of my sister, Terry. We connected in 1987 after 22 years of separation. I spoke with her on the phone as our first connection and her voice was exactly like mine. It took my breath away. We spoke on the phone last week for the first time in quite a long while. Physical distance will do that to relationships I am sad to say. As she spoke to me of her sadness at losing our mother and then her adopted mother (all in a 10 week period) I realized how much challenge this has been for her. With regret I realized that I had not taken this in at the time. I was caught up in assisting my brother who needed me and with my own grief. I left her afloat really to deal with it on her own. My apologies are in order certainly and my presence in her life will be much more constant.

She has never met my family nor has she come to visit me in my home. This has been a source of hurt for me and I think that I with held my connection to her because of this hurt. I have decided to let those petty kinds of things stand aside and just love my sister and reach out to her.

Her greatest fear, now, is that she will become like our mother who suffered greatly from mental illness. The thing is she already isn't like our mother, as a dear friend pointed out to me in that phrase. Don't you wish we could love the fear out of those we care about?

So the mermaid is present...the ever loving representation of the Great Mother who births life from the watery abyss and who I suppose takes us back again when we have completed this life journey.

As my sister grapples with her own demons I ask the spirit of the mermaid to embrace her...that larger mother who begat the soul in us and to give her new eyes and the energy and imagination to move beyond her fears and limitations into a life that is soulful and nurturing of her precious self.

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